A plea to anyone out there

America, I believe has the best construction workers and related technologies in the world. Actually it's an understatement. Let me rephrase it. America I believe has the best construction workers and related technologies in this and all known universes. Before you categorise it as propaganda and dismiss it, I will tell you my reasons.

On 29^th June 2011 Manhattan was destroyed by Decepticons, despite the valiant efforts of the Autobots. Yet on 27^th April 2012 when Loki decided to attack earth, Manhattan was up and running as if nothing had happened. Though he went on to wreck havoc and destroy much of the city again, I cannot imagine how the workers rebuilt the entire city in such a short period! I'm sure if I were to go to Manhattan today, every thing would be intact as if nothing every happened there. A huge deal, considering how the technologically advanced robots from Cybertron couldn't rebuild their planet after one civil war!

But my question is, don't the American workers go on any sort of strikes, seeing their hard work being destroyed again and again? In India if our cities were destroyed so frequently, our workers would go on hunger strikes, stop working till their demands were met and while they were at it, vandalise some more things to vent their frustrations! They would demand a pay raise and the union leader would demand a meeting with the leaders of the alien race to have a 'talk'. Is it any wonder then that no alien race wants to destroy Mumbai or Delhi? They know we wouldn't back down so easily!

I find it hilarious imagining all the things that could happen when an alien race would attack India. Our primary weapon would be to scare them with our huge population. We would gather in huge numbers everywhere they go. And if they somehow get past it, we would unleash our secret weapon; Indian politicians. The aliens will have no clue what hit them! Politicians from every known party would rush to use aliens to gain political mileage against the opposition. Imagine looking at big banners with a pot bellied politician shaking hands with an alien!!

I'm eagerly waiting for such a day and I hope I live to see such a day. Thoughts like these I believe are either influenced by the Avengers films that I loved or because I'm watching one too many 'The Big Bang Theory' episodes everyday!! Whatever it might be, all I want to do through this post is to invite the aliens to come and destroy our country and give the Americans a breather. It is only fair that even we are given a chance to test our survival skills!

So if there is anyone out there watching us and planning to make contact, I would like to invite you to our Incredible India!!

Mumbai local - Lifeline or life-sucker?

There is the first class, the second class, the third class and much below that at the very bottom comes the cattle class. I have the rare privilege of travelling in the cattle class or as we Mumbaikars proudly like to call them, the local trains, every day.

Like thousands of Mumbaikars I travel to office everyday by public transport. But instead of getting into the trains like normal humans do, we get dumped, or to put it politely, herded into the metal box. Trust me when I say, travelling by train day in day out is nothing less than a main event fight night. The only difference here being instead of two fighters slogging it out for gold, here it is a free-for-all. The 'gold' in this case is a place to sit or during peak hours a place to stand without being mashed from all sides. So you can imagine when I say that the journey each way feels like a lifetime. Two lifetimes if I don't get a place!

Look carefully and you shall find two trains hidden in the crowd.

Try as I might I cannot find a single point that I like about the local trains in Mumbai except that it is the fastest way to my office, albeit not the most comfortable. I hate the crowded trains. It is like a living entity in itself, living and breathing a different life. I hate it when people forget simple manners and etiquette in their quest to find a tiny amount of space. Though I do generally tend to slip in and out of the crowd, there have been times when I have been elbowed on my face or stamped on my foot. I hate it when a man having got no time in the morning to visit the loo, let's loose an anonymous fart so toxic that if used to make a bomb can destroy half the world. What’s more, that person will be the first one to shout and blame someone else. This incident happened on a Monday morning of all days on my way to work. I had to get off two stations before my destination to breathe in fresh air. No need to state the obvious but it destroyed my morning all together. The only other smell that can rival it, is the ‘chameli ka tel’ on a guy’s head. Travel to Bandra by train and more often than not you shall find such a guy. And what's more, he will be of that exact height so that when he stands in front of you his head will be just under your nostrils. Ever heard of nose hair burning? This rare phenomenon happens only when travelling in a local train. I also hate the so called 'seats' which are basically wooden planks you park your asses on and also the fans that do spin, but do not what a breeze is. 


But above all these, what I hate the most is when a woman enters a general compartment during peak hours and in that acute scarcity of space expects to be treated like a lady. Yes lady I will give you as much space as you want, but tell me where the hell do I bring it from? And if that wasn’t enough, she goes and gets a small kid and expects more sympathy! If there was no place for you in the first place, where do I get some for your kid? Haven't you ever heard of a ladies' compartment or a ladies special train? We grumble and complain but at the end give her a space enough to seat two grown up men. This happened to me this evening on my way back from office and is what prompted me to write this post. If I hadn't written this on the train, I'm sure I would have exploded like a time bomb.

So this is how life is inside the local trains. They maybe the lifeline of the city, but they surely suck the life out of you. 

A Day in the Life of an Unemployed...

Someone once said, ‘The Hardest work in the world is being out of work’ & I must say I totally agree with it. Every morning when I wake up it feels like I’m on a job that I do not enjoy at all. What started out as a well-deserved vacation has now turned into a period of I-desperately-need-a-job. My mind it seems has gone into hibernation mode and only a very small part of the brain needed for everyday functioning is awake and running.

My day begins around the time when offices are getting ready for their lunch break. I have but forgotten what a breakfast feels like. By the time I have read the news, the world has moved on from them and has found newer issues to deal with. So after completing that pointless exercise, I go up to my room to check my emails, Facebook updates and sports news. Such is my routine that I open the websites in the same order day after day.

The day’s first moments of any kind of real activity or excitement comes in the form of an argument that my mother and I have everyday over if I should take a bath before having my lunch. We have the same argument every day, but it is still difficult to predict who will win on that particular day. Some days I win and have my lunch with a slight sense of victory while on other days I have to reluctantly give in and take a bath! Whoever came up with this rule probably didn't have a life himself.

Afternoons are generally a busy time. I lie down on my couch and watch a film or the latest episode of one of the many series I follow. The temperature being so high just makes a person even lazier and I for one don’t feel like doing anything. Even the small job of pausing the video to go and answer nature’s call seems very tedious!

Evenings are much more bearable. I’m either out meeting and hanging out with friends or at home counting every second till it is time for dinner. Dinner time means sitting down with family downstairs and eating together and watching some television. This by the way is the only time of the day when I watch TV, so you can imagine just how much time I spend in front of my laptop!

After dinner I come back to my room and it is that time of the day when I realise that I’m wasting precious time and how I should be looking harder for a job. Every night I also look at my blog and tell myself to write something. But every time I sit down to write something, it is too much for the small functioning part of my brain to process and it short-circuits. In other words to protect its vital functioning parts it sends me into day-dreaming mode. Though creative juices have all but dried up, it is a wonder how I get to watch a new dream every night! The brain of ours is indeed an incredible organ!

Anyway the point of writing all the above is nothing but another way of telling myself to get out this sorry state of living and get a job!

Break ke Baad…(After a Break)

It’s been quite some time since I last wrote something on my blog. In that time so much has changed. I have shifted base from UK back home, enjoyed a small vacation, completed a project that I had taken up, got back into the process of applying for a job and again preparing for a small trip to London next month. I’ve been asked quite a few times by so many people as to why I had not written anything new on my blog. Though I have given each of them a different answer, the truth is that I have been plain lazy! But fret not I have brought myself out of it and am getting back to blogging regularly.

So since my last post, I have finished my course and have come back home. The last two weeks before the end were the most hectic I had had in the past year, but I wouldn’t have wanted it to be any different. Loved working with my group on my dissertation. I used to spend the days in our University library designing the magazine and the nights at home writing for my portfolio. Can you imagine a written portfolio of 8000 words? Phew! Those two weeks though flew by and before I realised it was time for my flight home and I was bidding my classmates an emotional farewell.

The last day in UK was very similar to my first day there. I was at my uncle’s place; we ordered a large pizza and watched a film on his huge home theatre before it was time for me to leave. Though there is nothing like returning home, there was an odd sense of loss at leaving UK. The whole time during the journey from Manchester to Dubai I was dreaming of the year gone by in the UK and how much I would miss it. It was only when I touched the Indian shores did I start thinking about home.

I was welcomed back to India in the ways foreign dignitaries are. The first two weeks were all about jet lag, meeting friends, gorging on Indian food, attending countless calls, repeating the same stories a thousand times and most importantly changing my lifestyle. Though I was enjoying myself here with friends and family, I dreamt of UK every night. Every night I used to dream of some random moment that I spent in the UK. I was longing to go back and it was as if UK heard my pleas. Within a week I received a mail from my tutor informing me that I had been short-listed for an award and she wanted me to be present at the award ceremony to be held in London. It was the opening I was looking for and luckily my parents agreed to let me go to London for 3-4 days.

I have been spending the last few days lazing around, watching films and TV-series, applying for jobs and willing the days to go by sooner so that I can visit the country I have come to love so much.

That’s all for now folks! I shall write more frequently! Stay tuned!!